


In This World Full of People, There's One Killing Me

by Katiebug445



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Baze/Chirrut if you squint a bit, F/M, Fluff, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 2017, I don't even know what this is about, It's a bit OOC and I'm sorry, K2 is human and sassy and it's the best part tbh, Modern war, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, bear with me, i lost direction halfway through and have rambled on for 20k words because I'm emotional, violence isn't insanely violent but tagging to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-24 06:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9709217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiebug445/pseuds/Katiebug445
Summary: Jyn didn't expect her journalism to lead her to Syria to report on the civil war. She also didn't expect it to lead her to Captain Cassian Andor, but it did.





	1. Chapter 1

Jyn Erso didn’t expect her life to end up the way it had.

 

She didn’t expect that taking an editing job in New York would have gotten her name recognized, nor that it would lead her to doing field journalism in Syria, but it did. She also didn’t expect to meet a young, American soldier named Cassian Andor and fall in love with him, but she did that too.

 

She was assigned to his platoon to do a piece on the American involvement in the civil war, and how this was a really good thing that they were fighting the good fight. Jyn personally thought it was bullshit, but the pay was good, and it was a free trip, so why not?

 

Why not was because she was dropped in the middle of a war zone. Why not was because in the middle of her third interview, her subject was shot in the head right in front of her. Why not was because no story was worth this danger.

 

Jyn kept her eyes on her hands as she searched the dead soldier for his gun, knowing she could get in trouble for it, but also knowing it would be better to be armed than wait for a rescue. She knew how to shoot, she knew she could hit her target, it was just trying to remember where the bullet came from.

 

Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long, because another round came at her from the left, but this time, she was ready. Ducking behind a jeep, she counted to three, then sent her own rounds flying back at whoever shot at her. Something whizzed by her ear, shattering the window beside her, and Jyn swallowed. That was close, too close.

 

She raised the gun and was getting ready to go again when a hand reached out and grabbed her shoulder. “Are you crazy?” he shouted angrily, his brown eyes piercing into hers. “You want to get yourself killed?!”

 

Jyn opened her mouth to speak, but the soldier took her hand, pulling her away from the Jeep before she could defend herself. Bullets followed them all the way, and they barely made it back to safety before they heard an explosion. The ground shook, and a huge dust cloud was forming over where the vehicle had been sitting just a moment ago. Her savior appeared just in time, apparently.

 

“What is your problem?” He yelled.

 

“I - we were - I was doing an interview, and turned away for one second, then he was on the ground. I figured it would be better to fight back than to just wait to die.” She replied, returning his gaze.

 

“Yes, well, you gave away our position and almost got yourself killed in the process. You reporters, all you do is cause trouble for the rest of us.”

 

Jyn could feel the anger rising in her chest and she stepped forward, advancing on the soldier with blind hatred in her eyes. “I was _trying_ not to die, I have a life back home I would like to get back to in one piece. I didn’t want to come here anymore than the rest of you did, but I have a job to do, same as you, and I can’t just back up and leave because I want to - and believe me, I do - so you’re just gonna have to get used to me being around.”

 

“You don’t think that the rest of us don’t have lives we want to get back to? Places we would much rather be than here? Every single one of us has families back home, jobs we left, dreams we abandoned, people we left behind, all so we can make sure people like _you_ are able to sleep at night without fear. Maybe you should pay more attention to the stories of the people you’re bothering with your questions before opening your mouth.”

 

“It’s my job to make you look good so you’ll be hailed a hero when you go back home, Mister… Andor.”

 

“I never asked to be a hero. I’m just here doing my job, same as you. And it’s Captain Andor.”

 

“Oh, well, so sorry, _Captain_ Andor. Won’t make that mistake again.”

 

“See that you don’t, Miss Erso.” He replied, his voice quiet, as he left the room.

 

Jyn huffed and sat down on a chair, half tempted to call her editor and demand a flight back home. No story was worth this. Any of it. The danger, the reluctance of the troops to talk, and if any of them acted any way similar to _Captain_ Andor, then, well… it wouldn’t be worth it to stick around.

 

****

Jyn tried to stay out of Cassian’s way after that, not wanting to give him any more of a reason to want her out of there. She kept her head down, wrote about her surroundings and the conditions of both the soldiers and the locals, and how bad things really were for everyone.

 

For the most part, it worked. They would cross paths now and then, meet each other’s eyes with a hard look, a curt nod, and then be on their way. It worked, but was ridiculous, honestly. They were adults. They shouldn’t be acting like rival teens in school. So, she did the only thing she knew might fix it.

 

****

Cassian Andor was minding his own business, taking a moment to himself to read his book before things got crazy again. He was relaxed on his cot, music playing softly in the background as he cracked the cover on his novel, when he heard a throat clear. Lifting his head, he saw the journalist standing next to him, looking far more confident than she had the right to at the moment. “Can I help you?” He asked irritably.

 

“There’s no reason for us to be acting like this with each other. We’re adults, and I would at least like to have a working relationship with you that is civil. So…” She opened her palm to reveal a shiny, black audio recorder, and shot him a half smile. “The only way to avoid this happening in the future is to get to know you a little, if you’ll let me?”

 

Cassian thought this over for a moment, weighing his options a bit before deciding. Did he want to open up to this stranger, who would most likely be exploiting private details of his life for a story? Absolutely not. Though he also didn’t like things being so tense every time her name was mentioned to him, either. “Fine.” He finally said, sitting up on his bed and closing his book.

 

Jyn sat down on his trunk, set her recorder down, and cleared her throat. “So, Captain Andor, why are you here?”

 

“Cassian.”

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“My name is Cassian. If we’re going to do this, please set aside the formalities for the moment.”

 

“Okay, then, _Cassian_ , you didn’t answer my question.”

 

“What was it again?”

 

“Why are you here? What does all of this mean to you?”

 

“Nobody deserves to live in fear that they might not see tomorrow. Nobody deserves to look out their door and see the remnants of their cities crumbling to the ground around them. I’m here because I want to help these people. I want to give them hope that things might be okay.”

 

Jyn swallowed, taking a moment to think of her next question. “Where did you grow up?”

 

“Mexico City.”

 

“Do you have a family back home?”

 

“My mother, a sister, and two brothers. One younger and one older.”

 

“How’d you end up in the United States?”

 

A bittersweet smile lit up the man’s face. “America is the land of opportunity. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to sing. I did okay in Mexico, but my mother told me America would be my best bet at getting noticed. She wanted me to have the chances she never did, and always supported what I wanted. The least I could do was give it a shot.”

That was completely unexpected. Jyn had trouble picturing the man across from her involved in any kind of Hollywood roll. He seemed too serious for that. “How did you end up in the military?”

 

“I love both of my homes.” Cassian replied, shrugging. “America and Mexico. I don’t want to see either of them fall to harm because of these people, which is a real possibility. Look at the Parisian attacks. It could happen anywhere, to anyone. I want to prevent that if I can.”

 

Nodding, Jyn discreetly shut her recorder off, wanting to speak to this man off the record for a moment. She didn’t know what she expected to hear from him, but it wasn’t that. “How was your singing career before you enlisted?”

 

Cassian chuckled. “I played in bars all around Los Angeles. People were beginning to know my name, and I had a very small group of fans who followed me around. I was just starting out, but I was doing well enough.”

 

“Will you go back to it after you get home?”

 

“I have to make it back home first, Miss Erso.”

 

“Jyn.” she corrected quietly, barely realizing she’d said anything at all.

 

“Okay, then, _Jyn,_ I have to make it back home before I can get back to it all.”

 

“You’ve made it this far. How much longer do you have until you get back stateside?”

 

“Seven months.” He told her. “But accidents happen all the time. I won’t start thinking about that until I’m off the plane and back in my apartment.”

 

That made sense. Hadn’t the soldier who’d been shot say he only had a couple weeks left? You could never be too careful here. Part of her wished a spot back home was guaranteed for him as it was for her. “I’m sorry.”

 

Cassian fell silent for a moment, watching her. “Tell me something about yourself, Miss Erso.”

 

Jyn opened her mouth to correct him again, when a man poked his head inside, looking directly at Cassian. “Cassian, he’s here. We need you.”

 

“Thank you, Kay.” Cassian stood, looking almost regrettably at the woman before heading out. “We’ll continue this later, yes?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Then, later.” He headed outside, leaving Jyn to sit there by herself in silence while she thought everything over. Cassian’s music was still playing softly from somewhere in the corner of the room, and she vaguely recognized the tune as a Frank Sinatra song, which again surprised her. She stood, taking quiet steps as she tried to find where the music was coming from.

 

There was a portable radio running off batteries half hidden in the corner, a small stack of CDs laying beside it. Some she recognized - Frank Sinatra, as she suspected, was sitting open on top of the player - and some were obviously brought along from Mexico. Nothing about it fit what she’d previously thought of him. It seemed Mr. Andor was full of surprises.

 

Jyn took a small step back, knowing she needed to leave, but also wanting to stick around for a few more minutes, just to see if she could find anything else out about Cassian and what made him tick. She eyed a few books sitting beside his cot and picked one up. It, and the others sitting on the ground, were dime-store murder mysteries. _That_ definitely didn’t fit at all with her perceptions of the Captain. She took a seat on his bed, flipping through the novel while Sinatra crooned from the speakers.

 

_With each word your tenderness grows,_

_Tearing my fear apart…_

_And that laugh that wrinkles your nose_

_It touches my foolish heart._

 

Eventually, though, her curiosity got the better of her, and instead of snooping through the Good Captain’s things, she decided that trying to find out who ‘he’ was might be more important. Jyn grabbed her recorder, shoved it in her back pocket, and took off blindly, hoping luck might be on her side and she’d stumble across this mysterious person.

 

*****

Cassian followed along behind his friend, trying to shake Jyn from his mind. It was strange sitting down and talking to her the way he had. Yes, it was professional, but she seemed to actually listen to what he was saying, like she genuinely cared. Not to mention, halfway through, he’d noticed her shut her device off. She wanted to speak to him off the record, like he was more than just a piece for her story.

 

He had watched her follow soldiers around on the weekends, pop up during dinner and ask for interviews, and generally just make an ass of herself. She was dedicated to her work, and even though it was annoying, he had to admire that about her. Anybody else probably would have given up at this point, but she was still here. Still putting in work to make sure her job was done right. Now that she had a bit of an interview with him, as far as he knew, her first higher ranking soldier,  it had to be getting good, right?

 

So why did she shut her recorder off halfway through their session?

 

He knew he had to be reading too much into it, but how could he not? It didn’t fit with anything he knew about her so far.

 

“You’re thinking about her.” Kay said, breaking through his thoughts. “Why are you thinking about her? She’s done nothing but irritate you this whole time.”

 

“She might not be as bad as I originally thought.” Cassian shrugged, keeping his voice and expression as neutral as possible.

 

Kay stopped dead in his tracks, a grimace on his face, and moaned, “Oh good lord, you _like_ her.”

 

The other man turned around, eyebrow raised, and shook his head. “I wouldn’t go that far, Kay.”

 

“No, no, you do. This is how it starts. ‘She’s actually not so bad’ ‘I actually like spending time with her’, then someone - most likely _me_ \- will catch you two being _most_ unprofessional, and then she’ll leave, and you’ll miss her and start pining to me about it, then when we get out of here, you’ll track her down and get married, and live happily ever after.”

 

“You’ve certainly put some thought into it, haven’t you?” Cassian teased, though he didn’t deny it. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”

 

“I’m not. I find the whole thing disgusting and I want no part in any of it.”

 

“Love you too, Kay.” He snorted, clapping his friend on the shoulder as they made their way through camp.

 

________

 

Bodhi Rook was in no way an extraordinary man. Before the Syrian civil war started, he was happily living his life in England, studying at Cambridge to become a computer programmer. Then, somehow, he ended up in a conversation with a man about a job with the military, which Bodhi reluctantly accepted.

 

Long story short, that was how he ended up on Syrian soil, sitting in the back of an armored tank, deep in enemy territory. His job was to send word back to the British/Americans about the movements of both the rebels and various terrorist groups if he could, and to sabotage as much of their weaponry and vehicles as possible. So far, he’d been lucky, but luck always eventually ran out, and Bodhi wasn’t ready to get familiar with the inside of a coffin just yet.

 

His problem was, he was good at what he did. Nobody suspected him of treason, and his superiors didn’t want him to leave. He was too valuable in his position. But Bodhi was getting tired. He was tired of feeling constantly on the edge of an anxiety attack, having to triple check everything he did and said to insure he wasn’t about to be found out.

He was tired of feeling like he was on the wrong side of the war here. He’d been forced to do horrible things for the sake of information, and it was wearing on him heavily. He wanted to feel like he was doing something good.

 

He wanted to feel like a hero.

 

Which is why he wanted to meet with the American captain in hopes of being taken into the team.

 

Bodhi sat on the edge of his seat, nervously bouncing his leg and checking over his shoulder every few seconds, scanning the doorway for any sign of trouble. He tried taking a few deep breaths, but nothing could seem to completely calm his worry that he’d been followed.

 

The tent flap opened, and in stepped Captain Andor and the Englishman he’d been in contact with several times before. He believed his name was Esso. He looked up, giving the two a nervous smile and swallowing before holding out his hand. “Captain Andor, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

Cassian took the offered hand, taking a seat across from the spy. “Same to you, Mr. Rook. Thank you for your service.”

 

“Likewise.” Bodhi replied.

 

“Now, what is it exactly you’re looking for?” Cassian asked.

 

“I would like to ask for a transfer to your team, if at all possible? I’ve been undercover almost a year now… I’ve been lucky thus far, but I’m afraid my luck might run out soon. I… I would like to be away from there before that happens.”

 

Nodding, Cassian thought for a moment. “Well, you’re in luck. Kay and I both pulled some strings, and we think we can help get you out.”

 

“There’s a ‘but’ isn’t there?”

 

A humorless smile tugged at the captain’s face. “There always is. We’re gearing up for a raid of a couple of the camps, but we need someone who knows where to go, and how to get in without getting us killed. We’re willing to offer you a spot here in exchange for a getaway driver.”

 

Bodhi thought about that for a few moments. He knew if he stayed, he was risking his life. If he left, he had a better chance of getting home, but if he did this, he’d be putting more people than just himself at risk, and he didn’t want to be the reason someone else was killed more than he already was… But… “Okay. But when the time comes, you all have to listen to me, and do exactly as I say, or else none of us are getting out of there.” He told them seriously.

 

Cassian held out his hand again, and the other man took it. “Welcome aboard, Mr. Rook.”

 

______  


Jyn had searched every inch of the camp that she could, and still couldn’t figure out where Cassian and Kay had taken off to. She eventually took to sitting on the hood of one of the vehicles, jotting down notes from her interview with Cassian. She wasn’t sure how much of it she would actually use. A lot of it felt personal, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted the people back home knowing all about Captain Cassian Andor.

 

It was blazing hot, and the back of her shirt was soaked with sweat by the time she heard them coming back. Jyn looked up, seeing Cassian and Kay headed back her way, accompanied by a third man who she didn’t know. She squinted against the sun, trying to get a better look at the newcomer.

 

When they got a little closer, she hopped down and closed the distance between them, intending to introduce herself to him.

 

“....Oh, here she is now.” She heard Kay saying, an annoyed edge to his voice. “Bodhi Rook, this is our designated reporter from the states, Miss Jyn Erso. I’m sure she’ll get a kick out of your story.” He added quietly, shooting Jyn a pointed look.

 

She ignored him, smiling politely at the newcomer. “It’s nice to meet you, Bodhi. And what story?”

 

“Mr. Rook here has been undercover for us for nearly a year now. One of the best spies we’ve got.”

 

“I see.” She replied. “Well, Bodhi, before you sign up with one of the big publishing companies when they write your biography, keep me in mind.” She joked.

 

“Oh, most definitely.” He replied, giving her a small smile. “I look forward to speaking to you, Miss Erso.”

 

“Oh, God.” Kay muttered, rolling his eyes.

 

******

 

“Tell me something about yourself.”

 

Jyn looked up from her notes at Cassian, tapping her pencil on her paper. “That’s not how this works, Captain.” She said playfully. “You’re supposed to be the one talking.”

 

“Then take it off the record. I’ve answered your questions for two days now - you know more about me than I do at this point. It’s time I learned something about you.”

 

Jyn picked up her recorder, playing around with the buttons for a moment. In all reality, it hadn’t been on but just a few moments in the beginning. She liked hearing Cassian talk, liked learning about him and his life. She knew it was selfish and unprofessional, but she couldn’t exactly help it. She actually liked spending time with him, and she didn’t want the world prying into everything they said. “What do you want to know?”

 

“Where did _you_ grow up? What kind of family do you have back home?”

 

“I… don’t.” She admitted, setting the device down and grabbing her necklace out from under her shirt. “My mother died when I was young, and my father… I don’t know what happened to him. I haven’t seen him in nearly fifteen years.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Cassian replied, and it sounded like he really meant it.

 

“It’s nothing, I - I don’t remember them too well, honestly. I grew up in Austria until my mother passed, and after that, I stayed with a family friend; he traveled my whole childhood. My father knew him from his days in the military - Saw was a radical who never followed orders, and was discharged after a little while. He went mad and he formed his own band of vigilantes. He’s wanted in so many countries it isn’t funny.”

 

“What’s that?” He asked, gesturing to the cord around her neck.

 

Jyn dropped her hand so Cassian could see the smooth, clear, crystal better, and a bittersweet smile crossed her face. “My mother gave it to me the day she died. Just before, actually. I don’t know where she got it, but it was important to her.” She looked up, tears stinging in her eyes, and tucked it back under her shirt. “It’s one of the only things I remember about her.”

 

“How’d you end up in America?”

 

“Saw left me there when I was sixteen. Said it would be better for me to stay in one place for awhile. I moved to New York, started a blog, and eventually got hired as a journalist. I hadn’t traveled outside the U.S. since I moved, so when this came up, I figured why not?” Jyn looked up at him again, her lips in a straight line as she swallowed.

 

“What do you plan on doing when you get back?”

 

“I don’t know yet.”

 

Things drifted into silence for a little bit, Jyn lost in her past and Cassian turning over what she said to him in his mind. Sinatra crooned from the corner of the room again, the same song as before, and it felt oddly comforting to her.

 

“Jyn,” Cassian said again, cutting into her thoughts. “I really am sorry. Nobody deserves to go through that.”

 

“That’s life.” She replied thickly, blinking tears from her eyes.

 

He didn’t reply to that, just gave her a sad look and sat back on his cot. There was a lot more to this girl than just the feisty reporter he’d come to know during her time there. He liked this Jyn Erso; the girl he’d come to know over the last couple days, the Jyn that just wanted to talk to him, and not do an interview.

 

This was the Jyn he was drawn to. This was the Jyn he wanted to get to know better.

 

*****

 

So Kay might have been right.

 

When Jyn wasn’t editing her notes, and he wasn’t busy, the two of them were spending every moment together. Cassian was comforted by her presence, and she by his. She had given up bringing her recorder with her when she came to see him, and instead brought along drafts for her story so she could edit if she needed to.

 

It was nice, being able to talk to someone who wasn’t involved in the fighting; it gave him something to look forward to, someone to cling to on the bad nights.

 

Her visits had begun to stretch on later and later into the evenings, wanting to prolong the inevitable as long as possible. Kay had found her in Cassian’s area one night, leaning up against his cot with her head on the rail, her notes in her lap, and fast asleep. He shot Cass a knowing look, to which the captain rolled his eyes, replaced Jyn’s papers with his blanket, and slid his jacket under her head so she’d be a bit more comfortable.

 

He didn’t have the strength to wake her up and ask her to leave. He liked having her there too much to ever ask that. Besides, she looked so peaceful, so free from worry and hurt that he wanted to let her have that undisturbed for as long as he could.

 

“I told you so.” Kay muttered, crawling into his own cot.

 

“Quiet, Kay.” Cassian hissed, shifting his position on his bed so his face was down beside Jyn’s.

 

_____

 

“When do you have to leave?”

 

“I have about a week left before I have to go back.” Jyn said, her lips tugging down at the corners.

 

“What do you plan on doing when you get back?”

 

“Well,” she started, “my immediate plan is to finish editing my story, since I’ve hardly had a chance to work on it here.” She smirked, looking up at him. “After that, I’m not sure.”

 

“Have you ever thought of seeing California?” Cassian asked, trying to sound casual.

 

She stared at him, a small grin lighting up her face, and chuckled. “Are you asking me to come visit you, Captain Andor?”

 

“Are you considering it, Miss Erso?”

 

“Maybe. If you promise to sing for me when I’m there.”

 

“We’ll see.” In return, Jyn smiled a real, beautiful smile at him, and Cassian felt his breath catch in his throat. She really was gorgeous when she smiled. “Jyn,” he breathed, his hand reaching out to touch her cheek. He leaned in, his eyes just beginning to close with his mouth inches away from hers, when they heard it.

 

People were shouting urgently outside with a chorus of gunfire behind them. Cassian swore, pulling away from Jyn and grabbing his gun before heading outside. Feeling that she should be doing something, Jyn snatched Cassian’s handgun and followed after him, anxiety rushing over her at the chaos she was met with.

 

Soldiers were on the ground, dead and injured, others running around looking for bandages, or something to stop the bleeding. Screams filled the air, men called for medics, and the smell of copper hit her hard. Quickly, she scanned the area for Cassian, panicked when she didn’t see him, Kay, or Bodhi anywhere. Jyn opened her mouth, her breath coming shallow and fast, when another round of bullets pierced the air all around her. Dust stirred, stinging in her eyes and making her cough, and a blinding pain shot through her left arm. She cried out, her right hand immediately going up to clutch at the wound, and got to moving.

 

She ducked behind a car, removing her hand from her arm and assessing the damage. She was bleeding pretty bad, and she swore she could see a bullet fragment in there when the sun hit it right. Shit. She closed her eyes, taking a moment to see how much she cold move it, before turning around and looking back at the camp. The screaming still echoed through the area, men were falling faster by the minute, and gunfire pounded heavily in her ears. What was happening? They were supposed to be hidden here.

 

Jyn sucked in a breath, forcing her left arm up to hold her gun, and prepared to start shooting.

 

A hand touched her arm and she gasped, turning her firearm on whoever sneaked up on her.

 

“Whoa, Jyn, easy.” Bodhi.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Remember when I told you my luck was going to run out? It did. Apparently I wasn’t as careful as I thought.”

 

“Where’s Cassian?”

 

“I don’t know, but we can’t stay here, we’re sitting ducks from the back. We need to move. Now.”

 

Jyn’s eyes fell to her arm again, knowing she wouldn’t be much use if that was left untreated. “Lead the way.”

 

Another round of bullets littered the ground around them, and after it finished, Bodhi counted to three. “Go!” He yelled, keeping his head down and making a run for the back of one of the half-demolished buildings. Jyn followed, her finger tensed and ready to pull the trigger on her gun at a second’s notice. She stopped right beside Bodhi, looking around and trying to focus over the sounds of screaming surrounding them.

 

Another pause, another count, and Bodhi again shouted, “Go!” She followed after him again, hoping he knew what he was doing and wouldn’t get her killed trying to get away.

 

Jyn saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and shot out, panic beginning to set in. She hit the ground near the retreating figure, quietly cursing to herself. She shot again, this time using both hands to steady herself more, but still missed. Jyn didn’t have time to be too upset, because Bodhi was shouting at her and was on the move again.

 

They kept this up until they were near the outskirts of the camp, both panting and terrified by what was happening.

 

“Jyn!”

 

She looked up, relief flooding over her when she saw Cassian hurrying towards them, blood covering his jacket, with Kay behind him, limping but still in one piece.

 

“Cassian.” She breathed, shutting her eyes and feeling the tightness in her chest releasing a little. When the two reached them, Cassian pulled her into a tight hug, not noticing the wound in her arm right away. It flared up at how tightly he was holding her, but she couldn’t bring herself to make him stop. “Are you two okay?”

 

“If you two are done,” Kay interrupted, breathing heavily, “we might consider getting farther away from here before those radicals figure out some got away. And in case you were wondering, I’m fine, just got grazed by a bit of shrapnel.”

 

“Who’s blood is that?” She asked, taking a quick check over to see if he was okay.

 

Cassian looked down, holding out the hem of his shirt. “It’s not mine. Another soldier near to me was hit. I stayed with him as long as I could, but…” He shook his head. “He didn’t make it.”

 

Jyn took his hand in hers, giving it a small, comforting squeeze. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

 

“What about you two?” Cassian asked, glancing between the others.

 

“I’m okay, but Jyn got hit.” Bodhi answered, pointing at her arm.

 

Cassian then noticed the ripped fabric of her jacket, and blood caked around the wound, gingerly holding it out so he could get a better look. “Are you okay?” He asked. “Can you move your arm at all?”

 

“I’m fine, but Kay’s right, we need to get a move on if we can.”

 

“There’s an outpost about ten miles west of us. If they haven’t been hit, there’s a couple medics and some recovering soldiers who can help us. If anybody else makes it out, they’ll meet us there.”

 

They were getting ready to move when they heard planes flying overhead. Gunfire littered the ground near them, and left a trail all the way to the camp. Bullets ricocheted off metal, shattered windows the vehicles, and ripped into the bodies left scattered across the ground. Another couple planes followed, and Kay heard it. A faint whistling growing louder by the second. “Run!” he shouted, pushing the others forward as fast as he could. Cassian tripped on the uneven ground, his hand slipping out of Jyn’s. She yelled, telling the others to go ahead, while she dropped down beside him, trying to hurry him back to his feet. The whistling was very loud now, and knowing they wouldn’t be able to outrun it at this point, Jyn pulled Cassian into her arms, shutting her eyes and hoping to shield him from the blast.

 

A bomb went off directly over the spot of their old camp, and the ground around all of them shook. Kay and Bodhi hit the ground as shrapnel and dust flew towards them. Jyn could feel cuts forming on her hands, face, and the top of her head, but it wasn’t anything fatal. it just hurt like hell. Bodhi had a gash on his arm, but he seemed to have made it out somewhat okay. Kay hadn’t been hit at all.

 

When Jyn lifted her head, after the dust settled, she saw a piece of metal about a foot away from where she and Cassian lay, and she exhaled, feeling insanely lucky. The man in her arms stirred, lifting his own head a little and stared at her. “You came back for me.” he whispered, unable to really tell if he was relieved or upset she risked herself for him.

 

“You’re welcome.” Jyn replied, pulling her arms away from him and standing up. That was when she noticed the cut on his leg. “Cassian,” she said, scrambling in front of him and trying to keep a calm head. He had a long, seemingly deep gash just below the artery on his thigh, and blood was soaking the leg of his pants.

 

Thinking quickly, she tore a piece of her shirt and tied it just above the wound, hoping it would be enough to keep him alive til they could get to the outpost. She stood, holding her arms out to him for help as he lifted himself up. He was fine until he put weight on his hurt leg, crying out and almost falling over again once he did.

 

“Here,” Jyn said, wrapping her arm around his waist and trying to support him a little. It was hard, because she was so much smaller than him, and had to have some assistance from Kay to get him on his feet.

 

"Will you be alright holding him?" He asked, giving her a worried look. Jyn nodded breathlessly in response, trying to keep her expression blank. "Will _you_ be okay to walk?" 

 

"We'll be fine. But we need to move. _Now_. Before they realize we’re here.”

 

Nobody stood still long enough to argue.

 

**********

Everyone was content to let Kay lead the way to the outpost. He stayed in front, with Cassian and Jyn behind him, with Bodhi bringing up the rear. Jyn kept her arm around Cassian to keep him upright, struggling a little under his weight.

 

“You shouldn’t have done that.” He whispered, not wanting Kay to overhear. “That was too big of a risk.”

 

“It’s over now.” Jyn replied, a bit breathless. “And you’re welcome for saving you.”

 

“Jyn,” he started, glancing down at her. “That’s not what I meant. I’m grateful that you did, but…Save yourself next time. Don’t worry about me.”

 

She didn’t know how to reply to that. She hadn’t even realized what she was doing when she did it. It was pure instinct, shielding Cassian like that. She also knew, if the tables were turned, he’d do the exact same thing. “Only if you do the same.”

 

“Noted,” Cassian replied, a small grin tugging at his lips. “How’s your arm?”

 

“I’ve had worse,” She said. It was true, she had been a lot worse off before, traveling with Saw, but that had been years ago. And she wasn’t helping support a fully grown man, either.

 

“I can make it on my own if you need a break.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“You’re completely out of breath. Take a break, please?”

 

“I said I’m fine.”

 

“If this is what it’s going to be like every time one of you two gets in trouble, I’m going to suggest leaving both of you so you can fight it out without endangering us.” Bodhi said from behind them.

 

"Always nice to know you care, Bodhi." Jyn replied, staggering under her own weight and tripping. 

 

Bodhi was at her other side in a minute, helping hold her steady while Cassian got his own balance. "You need to stop." 

 

"I'm fine." Jyn insisted.

 

“Kay. Can we stop for a minute?” Cassian called up to his friend. “We’re far enough away from the blast that we should be safe. Jyn and I need a break.”

 

“I suppose, a small one.” Kay replied, doubling back and rejoining the others. “How’s your leg?”

 

“Hurts, but I’ve had worse.” Cassian shot Jyn a look, which she returned with a snort. “But you should check her arm. If she’s not treated soon, it could get infected.”

 

“I’m fine, really. Worry about yourself, Captain Andor.” She glanced at the cut on his leg, which was still trickling blood. “You might end up needing stitches for that one.”

 

Cassian waved her off, thinking she was overreacting a little bit, and turned back to Kay. “You have any whiskey left?”

 

Kay reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small silver flask, which he wordlessly handed to Cassian. The other man took it and unscrewed the lid, pouring some of the amber contents over the cut on his leg. He hissed in pain at the sting, but knew it might help stave off any infections until they could rest. He then handed it to Jyn, gesturing to her arm.

 

He had to give her credit, as bad as she looked to be hurting, she barely even flinched when she poured it on her cut. “I think there's something still in there.” She told them, handing the flask back to Kay. “I can feel it when I move.”

 

“How much longer?” Cassian asked his companion.

 

“Another half hour or so? Longer if you two slow down any.”

 

“Do you think you can make it?” Jyn turned to Cassian. “I’m fine, but with your leg…”

 

“Don’t worry about me. The quicker we get there, the quicker we can get our injuries looked at.”

 

Kay rolled his eyes. "Yes, let's not show any concern for a wound that, if it hit just a few inches higher, would have killed you. Sorry for caring." He helped Cassian to his feet, an arm around his middle and supporting his weight while Jyn stood. "Are you positive you can keep going?" He asked them both.

 

Jyn nodded, taking one more breath before wrapping her arm around Cassian's waist to keep him steady, then turned to Kay. “We need to keep moving.”

 

_______

 

The outpost wasn’t much of a shelter, but it was better than being left out to fend for themselves. It was an old building with a half collapsed roof and a crumbled wall which would expose them to the enemy if they weren’t careful. Though at the moment, they couldn’t have been more happy to see it.

 

In fact, Cassian _did_ end up needing stitches in his leg. Much to his dismay. Kay and Bodhi just had to get bandages on their cuts, and Jyn did in fact have a fairly good sized piece of shrapnel in her arm. When Kay found out, he handed her his flask again and wished her luck. Cassian insisted on going back with her, just for support, but Kay refused to let him go. 

 

She insisted she would be fine on her own, and strode off with Kay's flask clutched tightly in her hand. Taking a deep breath, she downed the amber liquid in just a few gulps before they started digging around in her wound. She bit down on her lip, her eyes squeezed shut and her hand white-knuckling her pants leg to keep from crying out. Kay came to check on her halfway through, once he was sure Cassian wasn't going to up and leave, and stuck around until it was over. He had to give the girl credit, she didn't make a single peep the whole time they dug around in her arm. He'd known grown men who screamed and passed out for a lot less. 

 

Jyn was exhausted by the time they got out, sagging against the wall, for a minute before even trying to stand up. Kay helped her, and the pair followed the doctor, who helped dig the fragments out, back to the others. Cassian looked up when he heard them, concern on his face for Jyn, and tried to stand. Bodhi stopped him before he had the chance, though, and Jyn took the seat beside him. "How'd it go?" He asked. 

 

"It hurts a lot more." She shrugged. "But it shouldn't get infected." 

 

"They pulled a fractured slug and fragments of shrapnel out of her, and she didn't make a sound." Kay informed him. 

 

"That's because of the whiskey, Major Kay." She replied. 

 

A couple of nurses came out a little while later, once everyone had a chance to rest for a minute, brought them all a bit of food, and showed them to their room. There were two other soldiers there, off to the side and keeping to themselves. The four took the very opposite of the room to give them some space, and all but collapsed on their makeshift beds.

 

Jyn closed her eyes, leaning back against the wall, and took the crystal out again, clutching it tightly in her hand. She wanted nothing more than to be back home at the moment. All of the running, all the danger, it reminded her too much of being with Saw and his mercenaries. Jyn wanted away from this place, and the fighting, and settle back into her life.

 

She felt the weight of someone sit down beside her and brush their knee against hers. “My offer still hands, you know.” That was Cassian.

 

Jyn opened her eyes and smiled at him, dropping her hand from her necklace and giving a small nod. “It might be nice to have a break from New York after all of this. Spend some time sightseeing, take some pictures I can use for my blog…” It sounded so nice to her. “But you should think about seeing my city, too. After living here for so long, some different seasons might be nice for you.”

 

The man beside her chuckled and glanced at Kay, who was rolling his eyes at them. “‘I’ll consider it.”

 

“Good.”

 

__________

 

Jyn lay awake that night, looking up at the stars through the cracks in the roof, wondering how the hell she ended up where she was. Her conversation with Cassian about her past had gotten her thinking, wondering where her father was now, what he was doing, if he were still alive. She hoped he was okay, wherever he was, and that he had a good life. Her hand brushed across the smooth surface of her crystal, her thoughts turning to her mother, about the day when she was taken from her.

 

Jyn knew her father was ex-military, and that he’d seriously pissed off his superiors when he fled the army. They’d been in hiding since Jyn was born, waiting for the day that they were tracked down again. She had known the drill: stay out of sight, keep to the woods and wait there until Saw came for her. She had been over it with Galen so many times that she could recite what she was supposed to do in her sleep.

 

When the day came, however, she choked. Her mother had prepared her bag, given her the necklace, and the two left, keeping their heads down as they escaped through the back door while her father went to deal with Krennic. Lyria went with her to the edge of the woods, embraced her daughter, and told her she loved her. Then Jyn was alone again.

 

She stood still for a moment, knowing where she needed to go, but too afraid to do it. She waited until her mother’s footsteps had completely fallen away before following back after her. Jyn kept close to the ground, taking cover wherever she could find it, and watched.

 

Lyria approached Krennic with a bundle in her arms, which she dropped when she was about five feet away, revealing a gun. She fired, but she wasn’t fast enough, and was gunned down by one of the officers accompanying the man in white. Jyn’s hand went to her mouth to repress a scream, and the director turned to her father. She couldn’t hear what was being said, but Galen’s eyes fell on his dead wife, and he nodded.

 

Krennic led her father away, and, very faintly, heard him tell his soldiers there was a child somewhere around. Panicked, Jyn ran as fast as she could to the meeting point for Saw, and stayed hidden there for what felt like days until he came for her. She’d never looked back since.

  


“Your necklace.”

 

The voice snapped Jyn out of her thoughts and she looked around in the darkness, trying to find the source. The only person who knew about it was Cassian, and he was fast asleep beside her. She didn’t answer, hoping that whoever it was would assume she was asleep and leave her alone.

 

She heard movement coming towards her, and Jyn sat up. “Do you know what the crystals mean?”

 

“No.” Jyn answered, keeping her voice low so she wouldn’t wake the others.

 

“Yours is sending energy up into the sky. It’s pulsating through the whole room.”

 

“Is that good or bad?”

 

The speaker was quiet for a moment, and Jyn could hear their footsteps getting a bit closer, aided by the sound of something gently thumping the ground in time with them. “Good, I think. The one you’re wearing, is a symbol of confidence and healing. But it also depends on who’s wearing it.” She could see the outline of a face now, having just enough illumination to see a small smile on the person’s face. “Tell me, are you a friend, or foe?”

 

“That depends on what side of the war you’re on.”

 

A chuckle from the darkness. “I suppose you’re right. But since you’re here, I’m assuming you’re one of the good guys.”

 

Cassian stirred, sitting up at the sound of voices. “Jyn?” he whispered, already alert and ready to go if need be. “Jyn?” he repeated, a little louder. She reached out, laying a hand on his arm to let him know she was alright. “Who’re you talking to?”

 

“Chirrut Imwe.” said the newcomer calmly, taking another step forward. “Who might I be speaking to?”

 

“Jyn Erso.” she replied. “And this is Cassian.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jyn Erso and Cassian.” Chirrut gave a small nod of his head. “My companion is somewhere over there, most likely asleep.” He said affectionately. “I’m sure he’ll introduce himself in the morning.”

 

“And I’m sure ours will do the same.” Cassian replied, stifling a yawn. “We’ll talk more in the morning, yes?”

 

“Of course.” Chirrut turned and headed back towards the opposite side of the room, the dull thud of whatever he was carrying getting fainter and fainter.

 

Cassian turned back to Jyn once he thought the newcomer was out of earshot. “How’s your arm?”

 

“Hurts. How’s your leg.”

 

She could hear him laugh. “Hurts.” He paused for a moment, and Jyn could hear the rustling of his jacket on the cot. “Thank you. For today, I… thank you.”

 

“Well, I didn’t see Kay making any move, so I figured someone should.” She joked, once again hearing that breathy laugh. “You’re welcome.”

 

They sat in silence for a few moments, and Jyn crawled over to Cassian’s bed, wanting him to be close. “I don’t want you to go.” Cassian admitted, feeling for her hand in the dark. “Having you here has been… wonderful.”

 

Jyn’s fingers brushed against his skin and lay her head on his arm. “I don’t want to go, really. I’ll miss you, and Bodhi. Hell, I’ll even miss Kay. But, I meant it when I said I’d come see you when you get back. So just… worry about coming home.”

 

He wrapped his arm around her, holding her close to his side, and exhaled. He didn’t want the night to end. He just wanted to stay there, holding her, for the rest of his life.

 

******

 

They were still holding onto each other the next morning. Kay was the one who found them, wrapped up in each other, fast asleep on Cassian’s cot. He shook his head, rousing Bodhi from his sleep, and the two left them alone for the moment so they could rest.

 

“I warned him,” Kay said as they were walking away. “I warned him he’d end up falling in love with her if he wasn’t careful. Now when she leaves, he’ll be moping around until he sees her again.”

 

“How long until he can go back home?”

 

“Six months next week. And I’ll probably be right along with him.”

 

“Have you two known each other long?” Bodhi asked, genuinely curious.

 

“I met Cassian in the states about four years ago, in a bar, after one of his sets. I told him if he expected to get anywhere, he would have to end up going back in time and starting out as a teenager. Girls would fall in love with him. He thought that was rather funny. We’ve been friends ever since. When he enlisted, I knew I couldn’t let him go off and get himself killed, so I came along for the ride.” Kay shook his head, glancing over at Bodhi. “Whatever you do, don’t follow a friend into war. Because all it does is make you worry about them doing something stupid and end up getting a leg blown off or worse.”

 

“I’m sure you wouldn’t have it any other way, Kay.” The other man replied, grinning at him.

________

 

They met up with the other soldiers from their room, coming back down the hall from somewhere, and the taller of the two seemed upset.

 

“I don't know _why_ you find it necessary to speak to every single person we come across. You can’t be so trusting with folks anymore. That’s going to end up being your death.”

 

“And _I_ don’t know why you can’t trust that I’m protected. Buddha is with me wherever I go.”

 

“Here we go with that again, you foolish man.” He looked up, seeing two others approaching them, and held his arm out to stop his companion. “Chirrut,” he said warningly, “we have company.”

 

The other man’s face broke out into a smile and he stepped around the arm in front of him, heading towards Bodhi and Kay. “You worry too much, my friend, they will not hurt us.” When he looked up at them, they could see why his friend seemed so protective. Chirrut was blind. “Hello!” he welcomed them brightly. “You must be the friends Jyn spoke of yesterday! It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

 

Bodhi and Kay exchanged a look, shrugged, and turned back to the man in front of them. “This is Bodhi Rook, and I’m Major Kay Esso.”

 

“Chirrut Imwe, and the surly man coming up behind me is Baze Malbus.”

 

Bodhi waved gingerly at Baze, who returned it with a gruff nod of the head.

 

“Not very friendly, is he?” Kay muttered, wary of the two strangers. He had to agree with what Baze said: you _couldn’t_ trust anybody anymore. Not here, not anywhere. They didn’t know these two from Adam - how did he know they weren’t working for the enemy, and were planning to blow up the outpost with all of them inside? The odds were a bit more likely than he would have liked to admit.

 

“Don’t worry about him.” Chirrut insisted calmly. “Baze is just overly paranoid.”

 

“I know the feeling.” Kay retorted.

 

“Kay!” Bodhi hissed. “It’s nice to meet you both, but my friend and I were on the way to see if we could get some food. I’m sure we’ll see you later.”

 

They said their goodbyes, and the pairs took off in opposite directions.

 

*******

 

Their stay at the outpost didn’t last much longer than a couple days. The medics wanted to keep an eye on Jyn and Cassian’s wounds, but once they were satisfied with how they were healing, they were cleared to take off and be assigned somewhere else.

 

Jyn spent most of her time revising what she could remember from her drafts, after having all of her equipment and notes blown up with the rest of their base, and ended up being pretty proud of what she pieced together. She focused less on the individuals and more on the experience as a whole, but didn’t forget them completely.

 

For her blog, she wrote up a nearly completely different story. Being careful about how much personal info she released, she wrote up a piece about the men whose lives were lost, about Kay, Bodhi, and even Cassian, and how she was honestly sad to leave them when she went home.

 

Her heart tugged a little at the thought, and she glanced over at Cassian, who was trying to hunt down a book. How could she have let this happen? How could she have let herself fall in love with him so fast?

 

It didn’t matter now, she supposed. It was too late to do much about it at this point.

 

*****

 

She stayed with them long enough to see where they would be reassigned to, and then it was time to go. The guys came and kidnapped her the night before she left, wanting to spend as much time with her as possible. She had fallen asleep on Cassian’s bed, and since he didn’t want to wake her up since she had a long flight ahead of her (at least that’s what he told Kay), he let her sleep, and made up a spot on the floor for himself.

 

The morning came around much too early for any of them, and Jyn was awoken by a gentle shake from Cassian explaining she had to get ready.

 

She gathered up her things, and at 6:00, it was time for her to go. She said a quick goodbye to Bodhi, Chirrut, and Baze, before Cassian and Kay rounded her up into a car and headed out. Thankfully, they had insisted on seeing her off, so she was able to spend just a little bit more time with them before leaving.

 

Cassian hadn’t said much on the trip, and neither did she. Neither of them knew what to say as a last word, a ‘just in case’ they never saw each other again.

  


When they arrived at the airport, Jyn stepped out, gesturing for Cassian to roll down his window. She looked inside, a bittersweet smile on her face, and bent down. “It was a pleasure meeting both you chaps.” She told them. “I hope to see you when you get back.”

 

She started away, expecting that to be all, when she heard the doors both open.

  


“Jyn,”

 

That was Kay. She turned around, seeing him with his arms open and expecting a hug. “What? You're not gonna miss me, are you, Major Kay?” She teased.

 

“Just get over here before I change my mind.” He rolled his eyes. Jyn obliged, and was pulled into one of the most engulfing hugs of her entire life. She hugged him tight, back, realizing just then how much she would actually miss him.

 

“Take care of him, Kay. Take care of yourself, too.”

 

“I promise no harm will befall him while I’m around, Miss Erso.” When she pulled away, his eyes were glistening, and Jyn turned away before he would start crying.

 

Cassian was right behind her, and the two locked eyes for a moment before Jyn threw herself at the captain, squeezing him as hard as she could. Cassian returned the gesture, wanting to prolong the inevitable for as long as he could.

 

“Take care of yourself.” She whispered, shutting her eyes against the flow of tears. “You still have to show me around California.”

 

“I’ll try my best.”

 

She finally pulled away, knowing she needed to get this over with before she lost what little bit remained of her nerves, and took one last look at her friends. “I’ll see you both soon.”

 

Jyn turned around and walked inside the doors, her heart heavy and her mind racing, half wanting to purposefully miss her flight so she could stay.

 

Cassian entered her thoughts, and Jyn paused at the escalator, checked her watch, and seeing that she still had a litle bit of time, turned back around and ran for the exit at a near sprint.

 

The car was still there, and the two men were just starting to get into it.

 

“CASSIAN!” Jyn shouted, running at him and pulling him into her arms. She crushed her lips to his in a fierce kiss, and, after a shocked second, Cassian returned it.

 

After a moment, Kay cleared his throat, and the two broke apart. “I hate to break the two of you up, but she has a flight to catch, and we still have a war to fight. You’ll see each other again soon enough.”

 

“Don't be jealous, Kay. I can give you a kiss too.” Cassian joked, his cheeks flushed.

 

Kay glared daggers at his friend. “Just get in the damn car, Andor.”

 

Jyn laughed, sparing one last look at Cassian, and squeezed his hand. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

“See you soon.” Cassian echoed, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek.

 

This time, when Jyn left, she didn't come back.

 

*********

Cassian got back into the car, leaning back in his seat with a small grin on his face. He’d finally kissed Jyn. Of course, the circumstance wasn’t the greatest, but he’d done it.

 

“You’re hopeless.” Kay muttered beside him. “Absolutely hopeless.”

 

“Shut up, Kay.”

 

His friend laughed, starting the car and pulling away from the airport, from Jyn, and Cassian shut his eyes. Kay had been right. He _had_ fallen in love with her, and he was already missing her presence near him. It’s only six months, he told himself. Six months, and then he’d be back home, back in California, back with Jyn.

  
He just had to make it _back_ there.


	2. Chapter 2

Time seemed to pass slowly for Jyn her first few weeks back in the states. New York was still busy, still loud, and her job kept her on her toes. Her co-workers had asked her how her trip had gone, and she’d been honest about everything except Cassian. She didn’t want everyone to bug her about him just yet. She’d written to everyone a couple times, but had yet to receive a letter back yet. Her mind started to wonder about why that could be, and each cause behind it scared her more than the last. 

 

Things finally started settling back down after about a month. Her sleep schedule returned to normal, work didn’t feel as strenuous, and she found herself blogging here and there about her trip overseas. There wasn’t much she could say, but she included pictures, and little blurbs about the bit of culture she’d been exposed to. 

 

She finally got responses to her letters in late August. Everyone apologized for the lateness of the replies, that things had gotten bad and they hadn’t had time to sit down and write, but everyone was still thinking about her and how she was doing. 

 

Kay had sent her a short little thing, telling her that Cassian had indeed been moping a bit in his free time about how he wanted to be back in the states, and it was driving him and the others crazy. According to Kay, they were about to ship him back in a box just so they could get some peace. 

 

_ In all honesty, he hasn’t been  _ that  _ bad, but he talks about you in his sleep nearly every night, and gets quiet if someone mentions your name. He tries not to let on about it too much, but we all know how badly he wants to see you again. I hope you’re still thinking about him just as much, Miss Erso.  _

 

Kay had written. Bodhi had also replied, and basically said the same thing as Kay. She wrote out responses, assuring them both that yes, she still did think of Cassian, and the rest of them, and she wished they were well. She mailed those letters quickly, but left one unopened for a couple days while she prepared herself for what he might say. 

 

Finally, after nearly a week, she opened Cassian’s letter. 

 

_ Jyn,  _

 

_ I apologize for how late this reply is - we got caught in the middle of a raid on our camp, and after three days of fighting, we finally had to evacuate and relocate. Casualties weren’t as bad this time, thank god, but we’re exhausted. Emotionally and physically. The only reason I haven’t given up completely is because of my promise to show you California.  _

_ I hope you’re doing well, and the transition back into your life wasn’t too difficult. I hope it isn’t too difficult for me, either. I can’t wait to be back home.  _

_ Things are very different without you here. A lot more lonely, for me, anyways. I’m not going to lie, Jyn, you’ve helped me get through a lot of bad nights. When I can’t sleep, I think of you. I think of the nights you fell asleep beside me at the outpost and at the old camp, how peaceful your face was when you were here. I think of your smile, how safe it made me feel inside, like an assurance that I would be okay. I also think of where I would like to take you when I get back home. There is so much I want you to see, I don’t know if I’ll be able to have you experience everything in one trip. You’re about the only thing that’s getting me through this hell. _

 

_ I can’t wait to see you again.  _ __  
_ Yours always,  _ _  
_ __ Cassian. 

 

Jyn swallowed, not knowing what to say to all of that. How on earth could she reply when she wasn’t good with words? How could she compete with that? 

 

_ Cassian,  _

 

_ I’m not nearly as good with words as you are, so I’m not sure how this will sound, but I think of you, too. A lot. When I’m at work, my mind wanders, and before I know it, there’s you are, invading my thoughts just as easily as you did when I was with you. Your smile, your voice, your arms around me at night… It haunts me whenever it gets a chance, in vivid detail. It makes being away from you that much harder. It’s like an ache that won’t go away until I see you again.  _

 

_ But just a few months longer, and we’ll see each other again.  _

_ Yours always,  _

_ Jyn.  _ _  
_ _ P.S. take care of this for me until you get back.  _

 

She got to her feet and looked around for a photo to include in with her letter. Most of the photos she had were of her friends and family, with a very few older ones scattered here and there of herself. 

 

Jyn finally found one, a photo a friend took, of her smiling gently towards the camera with the sun lighting up her eyes and bringing out the colors in them. She thought it would be nice for the man to have until he could get back home. 

 

She sealed the letter and addressed it, then immediately took it out to be delivered.

 

******

“It looks like your girlfriend likes you after all.” Kay drawled, holding Cassian’s letter out in front of him. “Her letter finally got here.” 

 

Cassian stood, hurrying over to his friend, and reached out for it. “When did you get that?” 

 

“This morning, but we were all having too much fun watching you get more anxious.” 

 

“Just give me the letter, Kay. I’ve waited long enough.” He held his hand out, waiting. 

 

“What’s the magic word?” 

 

“ _ Please.”  _

 

“Thank you.” He replied, finally handing it over. “But you have to tell us what she says.” 

 

Cassian ignored him, carefully tearing it open and sitting down with it. As he unfolded it, a piece of paper fell out, but he ignored it for a moment in favor of reading over her words. He didn’t notice his friend come up behind him and read over his shoulder along with him. A smile spread across his face, and he looked around on the floor, trying to find the picture that fell away. 

 

Kay was faster, however, and snatched the photo up, rolling his eyes at the two of them. “Oh great, now we’re going to have to deal with you staring at that for the next four months.” 

 

“Shut  _ up,  _ Kay.” Cassian growled, grabbing the picture and stuffing it in his breast pocket. 

 

****** 

 

Cassian didn’t actually believe he was going home until they announced they were almost back into the United States. He sat back in his seat, closed his eyes, and relaxed a little. He was so close to being back, so close to being home, he didn’t know how to react. 

 

He’d planned on going back to see his family before he did much of anything. It had been entirely too long since he’d seen his mother, and as soon as his bags were dropped off, and he was somewhat settled back in California, he was catching a flight down to see her. 

 

Then, he was going to surprise Jyn. 

 

They had written back and forth as much as they could, and Cassian found comfort in her letters. She always came off a bit awkward, not really knowing what to say or how to say it, and would end up rambling about silly things until she caught herself and moved on. He loved every second of it. It always took him away from the fighting for a few minutes, reading about her life, and placed him alongside her, listening to her talk and just existing 

with her. It was one of the things he clung to when things got hard. 

 

In return, he confided in her how much he missed his books. Everything had been 

lost with the explosion while she was there, along with his music, and that he’d been reduced to listening to Chirrut and Baze bickering for some entertainment. Bodhi had volunteered Kay to sing in replacement of some of his music, but he didn’t seem too keen on trying. Cassain was honestly grateful for that. 

 

Cassian pulled the photograph out of his pocket and a small smile tugged at his lips. Soon, he’d see her soon. 

 

****** 

He got off the plane with his bag in hand, took one look around the airport, and shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe he’d actually made it back alive. 

 

Cassian walked outside, the warm breeze hitting his face and blowing his hair, and he smiled. He hailed a cab, and was taken to a hotel for the night, and tomorrow he’d try to work something out for a place to live. 

 

All of his things were in storage, so it would be a few days before he could get to them, but that was okay. The only thing he really missed was his guitar; he’d gone so long without playing it, and he was  _ itching  _ to feel the strings under his fingers again. 

 

Cassian called his sister, letting her know he was back, and that he would be coming to see them all soon. She was thrilled, and promised not to say anything mto anybody else so they could be surprised. 

 

After they hung up, his thoughts turned to his friends, where they were, and when they would be coming home. Kay was catching a flight out in a couple days. He still had a few things to tie up, and he wanted to make sure Bodhi would be able to leave alright. 

 

Baze and Chirrut, he assumed, would be heading back to the East Coast when they left, and he hoped everything would work out for them. 

 

He then thought of Jyn, wondering if she would still be awake in New York now, and if she was okay. 

 

_______

 

Jyn woke up on a Thursday morning in late September, anticipating it to be a normal day. She threw on some clothes and went for a jog before the sun got too hot, came home, showered, and got ready for work. 

 

Her phone rang as she was walking down the sidewalk, and she answered it. “Major Kay.” She grinned. 

 

Kay had gotten back stateside about a month ago, and had written her asking for her number, because while he enjoyed sitting down to write letters, it was much more convenient to call or text. 

 

“Hello, Miss Erso.” He replied. “I hope I didn't wake you?” 

 

“Not at all, I was actually on my way to work. Is everything okay?” 

 

“Yes, well… I’m about to board a flight to New York - urgent, last minute business to attend to - but since I’ll be in the city, I was wondering if maybe I could see you?” 

 

“Of course. Is everything alright?” 

 

“Everything’s fine, it’s just been too long since I’ve been able to tease you properly.”

 

“Be careful, Kay, that almost sounds like friendship.” Jyn smirked.

 

“Hush.” 

 

“I’d love to. I'm free tonight after work if you’d like to grab something to eat? What time’s your flight getting in?” 

 

“I'm leaving here in a few moments, I’ll be in Dallas around 8:30 Central time, where there's a three hour layover. Then another three hours in the air. So… around 5:00 Eastern time after boarding and takeoffs?” 

 

Jyn checked her watch, thinking for a moment. “5:00 you said?” 

 

“If I’m not delayed any, yes.” 

 

“If you need a ride from the airport, I might be able to pick you up.” 

 

“That would be wonderful.” 

 

“Okay.” Jyn replied, “I’ll see you then.” 

 

“See you then.” 

 

_________

 

Kay hung up the phone, stuffed it in his pocket, and turned to the man beside him. “Your girlfriend is picking us up from the airport.” 

 

“Oh, really?” Cassian said, trying to keep excitement out of his voice. 

 

“Yes, and might I ask before it’s too late that you try not to attack the poor girl when we get there.” 

 

“Meaning?” he asked as they walked down the aisle of the plane. 

 

“Meaning, please don’t do something that will embarrass me.” 

 

“Well, if you hang back, you won’t have to worry about being embarrassed.” 

 

Kay made an offended sort of noise and dropped into his seat, his eyes turning to the window and as far away from Cassian as possible. He said nothing in reply to that, and Cassian wondered if Kay was afraid he was serious. 

 

“You know,” he started, smirking at his friend, “I’m sure if you ask nicely, Jyn might give you a kiss too.” 

 

“Oh, bugger off.” 

 

Cassian’s only response was a howl of laughter. 

 

___________

 

The hours drug on the longer he sat there. Cassian checked his watch every twenty minutes, willing time to move so they could get back on the plane and be that much closer to New York. Kay had busied himself with a deck of cards he’d brought along with him, building small houses up before getting irritated with how they looked, tearing them down, then playing solitaire until he got bored and started the cycle over again. 

 

“Honestly, Cassian, will you  _ please _ calm down a little?” He said, looking up from his game. “You’re making  _ me  _ anxious to get a move on, and it’s not even my girlfriend.” 

 

“Jyn is not my girlfriend.” Cassian muttered, checking his watch again. 

 

Kay rolled his eyes, muttering something to himself before turning away again. 

 

“What was that?” 

 

“Nothing. Just wondering why you’re getting so defensive about it if she’s not.” 

 

Cass opened his mouth, getting ready to fire something back, but realized Kay had a point. “She  _ isn’t  _ my girlfriend.” He said calmly. 

 

“So, she’s just a girl, who’s a friend, but is not your girlfriend?” 

 

“ _ Kay!”  _

 

Kay raised his hands in surrender, a grin on his face at how easily he’d gotten to his friend. He knew Cassian was anxious, he was, too. He worried for his friend that Jyn had moved on, or her feelings weren’t what he thought they were and he’d read too much into it, but he had to hope. For Cassian’s sake, he had to hope. 

 

“I don’t know  _ what  _ we are.” Cassian admitted, his eyes falling on the window. 

 

“My suggestion would be not to worry about that right now. Just focus on getting there. If you like, I can tell you the probability of the plane crashing to get your mind off of it?” 

 

“Just go back to your game and be quiet.” 

 

__________

 

One more hour until they boarded. One more hour closer to New York. One more hour of worrying. Kay had called Jyn to let her know what was going on, and Cassian had sprawled out across one of the couches in the terminal, willing himself to sleep a little. It had already been a long day, and he could feel the tension rolling over him in waves. He wanted this over with so badly, he couldn’t stand it. He wanted to be there already, see Jyn, and settle in New York for a few days. Just to get it over with. 

“Jyn will definitely be there to pick us up.” Kay confirmed, sliding his phone back in his pocket. “She sounds a bit excited.” 

“To see you.” 

“Oh come on, if she knew you were coming, she’d be thrilled. You need to give her more credit than you do.” 

Cassian shot him a look, but said nothing. In all reality, he was afraid that Jyn could do better. That she would see that there wasn’t much he could offer her, or be able to support her like he should have. He didn’t have a ton of money, a steady income, or a solid place to live at the moment. All he had was a guitar and his heart. He wasn’t sure that would be enough, and it scared him. 

“It will be fine.” 

____________

Tap, tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Cassian drummed his fingers on his leg, staring over Kay out the window at the ground below. Things were looking less and less like postage stamps of green and brown and more like grass, dirt, and roads. They were so close. He took a breath and sat back in his seat, trying to relax. It would be over soon. 

He pulled out his phone and put on some music, trying to focus on that instead of the anxiousness growing in his stomach. 

The plane started descending farther, and Cassian nudged Kay with his elbow, waking him up. Not too much longer now. 

“We’d better be dying.” Kay muttered angrily, glaring at his friend. “I’d just been invited to tea with Adele.” 

“We’re almost there. Adele will have to wait.” Cassian snorted, taking a deep breath. Kay made a sort of offended noise, but sat up in his seat to wake himself up a bit. Cassian drummed his fingers again, nerves starting to get the better of him the more he thought about it. “How are we going to do this?” He asked. 

“Well, I assumed we would get off the plane, I would try to manage a hello to Jyn before she sees you and then I’m left to my own devices the whole trip. I thought I might try to see a show, or maybe find a small cafe and find a girl of my own, and we’d fall in love before I have to leave again.” 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Cassian huffed. 

Kay chuckled. “And you’d worry if I wasn’t. I think the better question here is, how do  _ you  _ want to do this?” 

“I don’t know yet.” 

“You’d better figure it out soon, because the runway is coming up on us pretty fast.” 

Kay, of course, was right. No sooner had he said that than they were on the ground, sailing down the pavement and gradually losing speed. Cassian had his fingers on the seat belt, ready to zip out and off the plane at the first chance he got. He wanted this over with already. 

They pulled up to their gate, and he grabbed his carry on from between his feet and was up and in line to get off. His fingers held tight to the straps, needing something to hang onto for a minute. Cassian got into the terminal before he realized Kay wasn’t with him, and hurried off to the side to wait for his friend. 

Kay came out, shaking his head and muttering to himself about impatience, and how silly it was to be so nervous over the whole thing. “She’s  _ just  _ a girl, you know. If this doesn’t work out, you can find a million of them back home. Maybe you’ll even find a nicer one.”

“I might find a nicer friend, too.” 

“Now that hurts.” 

“It was meant to.” 

Kay rolled his eyes good naturedly and went ahead, calling Jyn to let her know he’d landed. “She’s waiting just outside the gate. Then this whole mess will be over and you can move on.” 

Cassian swallowed, following behind Kay and trying to calm down. When they saw the gate, he put his hand on the other man’s shoulder and stopped him. “Go ahead. Stall her, I’ll be around in a second.” 

“She’s just a girl, mate.” 

He watched as Kay went on ahead, taking a deep breath and trying to psyche himself up some. 

  
  


__________ 

Jyn leaned against the wall, scanning each face that passed her for any bit of familiarity, and feeling disappointed as they all passed. There couldn’t have been that many more people on that flight, could there? She glanced down at her watch as another group of people passed, making sure she wasn’t too early, and quickly scanned the passing faces for any sign of her friend, and sighed. 

She finally had pulled out her phone, dialed Kay’s number and was on her way to press send when she heard him. 

“Really, Miss Erso, I knew you were impatient, but this is ridiculous.” 

Jyn looked up to see a very tall, very blond, blue-eyed Kay shaking his head at her. “Well, you were taking your sweet time, I was starting to wonder if I was at the right gate!” He set his bags down and pulled her in for a one-armed hug. 

“It’s good to see you too.” 

“How was the flight?” 

“Tiresome. The Dallas layover was murder. If I never see another cowboy hat as long as I live, it’ll be too soon.” 

Jyn laughed, about to open her mouth to say something to Kay when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She glanced over, seeing another familiar face sheepishly making his way towards the gate. Her breath caught in her throat and she took a step back, not daring to look away from him. “Cassian,” She breathed, starting towards him. 

_____ 

He could do this. He’d been up against much worse in the desert and didn’t even blink before he acted. Why was he having so much trouble now? Kay had started off nearly two minutes ago, and had gotten caught up in a sea of people. He had to be there now, though, didn’t he? He peeked around the corner, not seeing his blond friend anywhere in sight, and decided to go for it. 

Cassian was fine up until he saw her. Her eyes were shining and her lips were pulled back into a huge smile at something Kay had said. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t face her. He was about to turn away when he felt someone staring at him. Cassian looked up to find Jyn’s eyes on him, disbelief clear on her face. He started forward, barely getting over the threshold of the gate before she threw herself at him, jumping into his arms and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck, holding onto him for dear life, excitement in every inch of her being. 

  
  


“This falls under the category of embarrassing me!”” Kay said loudly, picking up his bags turning away from them. 

After a moment, Jyn pulled back and unwrapped her legs from his waist after they broke apart. “What are you doing here?” She asked, that same bright smile on her face as she helped Cassian get his bag. “You were supposed to be visiting your family! That’s what Kay told me.” 

“I wanted to surprise you.” He shrugged, his cheeks red as they joined back up with Kay. “Thankfully, Kay is a good enough friend that he helped me pull it off.” 

“A decision I’m regretting immensely.” 

“He’s just mad because you didn’t jump into his arms, too.” Cassian grinned, laughing when Kay rolled his eyes. 

Jyn couldn’t take her eyes off of the man beside her. He looked a lot different than the last time she’d seen him. His hair was almost down to his shoulders now, his beard was a bit fuller, and his shirt was a bit too loose, and she wondered how he’d been sleeping. His eyes were still bright, though, and full of that same enjoyment for life that she had been smitten with for nearly a year now. “Are you guys hungry? After you get your things, we can go get something if you want?” 

“That would be lovely.” Kay replied. “Especially because Cassian has been too nervous to do much of anything today other than pace and worry.” 

“Nervous?” She raised an eyebrow, looking up at him. 

“Well you see, Miss Erso, our dear Cassian here was worried you wouldn’t be happy to see him.” 

Jyn stopped, staring up at both of them and frowning. “Why wouldn’t I be happy to see you?” 

Cassian sputtered, in disbelief that Kay would bring this up right now, and scrambled to think of what to tell her. “It’s not important. Forget he said anything.” 

“Bullshit it’s not impor--” 

“Jyn,” Cassian pleaded, “please. Forget he said it.” 

She didn’t argue, but she wasn’t going to let it go like that, either. 

______

Jyn hung back while the guys collected their things, wracking her brain trying to figure out what Kay could have meant by that. While they waited, it looked like the two were in a heated discussion, Cassian shooting daggers at Kay, and Kay looking deeply offended. She was surprised - and pleased - to see it looked like Cassian had a guitar case with him, and wondered if she could talk him into playing for her while he was here. 

“Everything here?” She asked, pulling out her car keys and shooting them both a small smile. 

“Everything’s here.” Cassian assured her, shooting Kay one more look before following after Jyn to the door. Kay brought up the rear, not really getting what the big deal was. Everything was fine now, and obviously Jyn was very happy to see Cassian, so why not laugh it off? 

They shoved their things into the back of her car, and Kay voluntarily took the back seat before anybody could ask him to, and pulled a small guide out of his pocket. He knew they wouldn’t be doing much while they were here, but he supposed the two of them would want some privacy at some point, so why not see something while he waited until it was safe to come back? 

Kay circled all of the things that sounded interesting to him, and then double-checked everything for what was free. Cassian and Jyn were talking amongst themselves in front, and he occasionally caught snatches of conversation when his name was brought up. 

“Do you guys have a place to stay yet?” 

“At the moment, no. We were waiting to see if there were any places close to you before we booked something.” 

“Then you’ll stay with me.” Jyn said. 

“Jyn, we can't ask you to do that.” Cassian replied, shaking his head.

They pulled up to a stoplight, and she turned to him, a challenge in her eyes. “And why not? You're my friends, I haven't seen you in  _ ages,  _ and…” she swallowed, looking at the man beside her, “I wouldn't offer if I didn't want you there.” 

“Cassian, just take her up on it and get it over with.” Kay spoke up from the back, not taking his eyes off his guide book. 

Cassian sighed, giving one more shake of his head before relenting. “Fine.” 

“Thank you. Saves about an hour of bickering from you two.” 

“Kay!” 

_________

After dropping their things off and taking a moment to change into more comfortable clothes, they were back to figuring out something to eat. Kay had gone back to consulting his guide book, but Jyn rolled her eyes and dragged the two of them outside. “You’re never going to experience the city if you spend your entire trip with your nose in a book.” She said to Kay, “I know a place.” 

The sun was just beginning to set as they made their way down the street. A cool, autumn breeze was beginning to blow, stirring up the leaves that had begun to fall, scattering them all across the sidewalk and the street. The boys walked a little ways behind her, Kay pouting and Cassian’s brain catching up with where he was and why he was here. Kay ended up a little ways ahead of him, trying to get any information out of Jyn as to where they were headed, while he stayed back, trying to wrap his mind around what was happening. 

What  _ exactly _ was he doing here? What did he expect to happen while he was here? Kay obviously had some ideas about what  _ he  _ expected to happen, but what did Jyn want? What did  _ he  _ want? He wanted to spend time with Jyn. More than anything, he wanted to spend time with her, discover her world, find out if he really had a place in it. 

Cassian looked up, watching her and Kay bickering back and forth over something, and chuckled to himself. Kay could complain about her all he wanted to, but deep down, they both knew he considered her a friend. A  _ good  _ friend at that. And it seemed like Jyn felt the same. 

______

The place, as it turned out, was a little Italian restaurant about five blocks from her apartment. They were led to a table near the back and left to their own devices for a few moments. Cassian took the seat across from Jyn, and Kay took the one beside him, his phone in his hands.

“How do you like New York so far?” Jyn asked teasingly. 

“So far?” Cassian replied. “It’s big. It’s bright. I love it.” 

“It’s noisy. It’s noisy, and far too bright.” Kay added, not looking up from his phone. “I honestly don’t know how you can stand it here.” 

“Kay!” 

She shrugged. “It’s all in what you get used to. At first I hated it, but you learn to block it out and appreciate the city for its beauty. I’m sure it’s not that different in LA.” 

“He complains just as much there.” Cassian rolled his eyes, giving his friend a look. 

“Because LA is loud, busy, and far too crowded.”

“See?” 

Jyn laughed, shooting Kay a good natured smile, and tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear. “Don’t tell me you’re still trying to look up things to do on your phone, Kay. Don’t you know the best part of traveling is spontaneity?” 

“And risk getting lost in New York? No thank you.” 

“You won’t get lost. You’ll have me.” 

“That makes me feel  _ so  _ much better.”

Cassian cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed by Kay, and tried to think of a better subject to discuss. “What kind of things do you enjoy doing around here?” 

“I…” she started, blanking out almost immediately. It occurred to Jyn then how little she actually did in her free time.  “I...read… in the park on the weekends in summer. Sometimes I walk through Times Square if there’s nothing else going on. There’s…a little basement club in the city that plays live music in the evenings. It’s kinda fun. I also know a few bookstores.” 

  
  


“Would you be willing to show us around some?” Cassian asked. 

“I have to work tomorrow, but after I get home, of course. But you don’t have to wait for me if you want to start early.” 

“Noted,” drawled Kay. “But I’m sure Lover Boy here would rather wait rather than adventure on his own. I might take you up on that offer, though.” 

Cassian’s face went bright red, but he said nothing and turned his head away from them both. 

__________

Cassian woke up very early the next morning, and lay on Jyn’s couch staring at the dark ceiling. Kay snored on the floor below him, careless to everything, and occasionally turned over in his sleep. 

After a few moments of laying there, he got to his feet and carefully stepped around his friend, over to the window, and looked out. 

Billboards, streetlights, neon signs, and headlights lit up the night. Horns honked in the distance, a car alarm was going off down the street, and the white noise of traffic filled the air, and Cassian loved every second of it. Even at 4:00 in the morning, the city was still alive. 

He leaned against the wall, arms folded and just listening to the sounds of the night. In an odd way, it felt peaceful to him. After hearing little else than gunfire for so long, the domestic noises were comforting. Carefully, he slid the window open just a tad to let some fresh air in, and the noises flooded into the room. 

“Cassian?” Came a sleepy voice from behind him. He jumped, barely suppressing a yelp, and turned around to find Jyn standing there. She was still half asleep, her hair in a messy bun and a large t-shirt hanging off of her shoulders. “Is everything okay?” 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d stood there, watching the world go by, but the sky was lighter now and birds were beginning to sing in the trees. “Everything’s fine. Just couldn’t sleep, is all.” 

She stifled a yawn, staring at him tiredly, and padded towards her kitchen. “Do you want some tea? Or I have frozen pancakes if you’re hungry.” 

Cassian chuckled to himself, following after Jyn and helping her get breakfast ready. “What are you doing up so early?” he asked quietly, not wanting to wake Kay just yet. 

“I’m always up this early. I have to be, if I want to get anything done before work. What about you? How long have you been up?” 

“Maybe an hour?” He shrugged. “Just couldn’t sleep, I guess. Normally when I have trouble, I listen to music, but… most of my things were in the camp.” 

“Well, if you have trouble, I’ll sing for you next time.” 

Cassian snorted, hitching his thumb back towards the living room. “If you do, and end up waking Kay, I’m not saving you when he gets mad.” 

Jyn covered a giggle, putting the tea water on, and leaned against her counter. “Speaking of, what did he mean yesterday when he said you were afraid I didn’t want to see you?” 

“It’s not important. Besides, it doesn’t matter now.” He answered, setting a plate of pancakes in the microwave. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“No, I  _ am  _ worrying about it. Is there something I said that--” 

Cassian just shook his head, turning the stove off and giving himself a minute before answering her. “It’s nothing. Just old insecurities getting the better of me. Now, what do you have in the way of tea?” 

“I’m… not sure anymore, hold on.” Jyn padded away, returning a moment later with a step stool, setting it in front of her overhead cabinets, and was stopped before she could climb up. Cassian was trying so hard not to laugh at her over it, and had to turn away. Jyn’s cheeks went red and she folded her arms, glaring at his back. “Alright then, tall guy, why don’t  _ you  _ get it down then?” 

“If I knew what I was looking for, I would.” 

“It’s a clear container, filled with different boxes of tea.” She replied, leaning against her countertop. 

Cassian giggled at her again before grabbing it and handing it to her. “I can’t wait to tell Kay about this.” 

“Just let me be short in peace.” She muttered, looking through her boxes. “There’s green, herbal, black, peach, and peppermint.” 

“Green is fine. But do you need help reaching your mugs?” 

Jyn smacked him playfully in the arm, her face flaming hot, and defiantly opened another cabinet. She stood tiptoe, and had  _ just _ reached the handles of a couple mugs before Cassian exploded in laughter and came in to help. “You better be careful, or you’re gonna wake Kay up.” 

“Too late.” Came a tired, irritated voice from the doorway. “I  _ do  _ hope whatever was so funny was worth all the racket. Some of us are trying to get in a full eight hours.” Jyn stepped back, glaring at Cassian while preparing herself for what he would say. 

“Sorry, Kay.” Cassian grinned. “I just finally realized how small Jyn is, that’s all.” 

She rolled her eyes at them, taking the mugs from Cassian and getting their tea ready, and huffed. “Just because you two are giants doesn’t mean everyone else is.” 

_______

 

Cassian decided to stay up after Jyn left, and headed out on his own for some exploring once the sun was all the way up. Kay trailed behind him tiredly, insisting that they stop somewhere for coffee and relax for a minute before they really got going with their day. He agreed, and the two ended up sitting outside, watching the world go by in front of them. 

Cassian sipped his drink, oblivious to most everything except what was right in front of him. Eyes, unfocusing and refocusing on things around him, vehicles honked impatiently from the road, people entered his sight for half a second before rushing off to start their day, and pigeons flew passed now and then making nuisances of themselves. 

It was an odd comfort to him, watching these people, wondering for a brief moment what they were doing and where they were going. 

“There’s a bookstore somewhere around here.” 

“Hmm?” 

“There’s a bookstore somewhere near by. We passed it last night. If I can find it again, I think we should go.” 

“Why, exactly?” 

“I don't know, maybe because I plan on finding the love of my life and end up staying in New York because of them. Maybe I plan on ditching you and going off on my own for the day. Maybe both of us just enjoy books, and it would be a good way to waste a couple hours. Unless you humor me, you’ll never know which it is.” Kay shrugged.

“Hmm…” Cassian thought, finishing off his coffee and getting to his feet. “My guess is on option two.” 

“Are you suggesting it's not possible for me to be looking for my soulmate?” 

“Not at all,” He replied, smirking, “I just figure there's a better chance of you leaving me there so you can do all the touristy things Jyn would roll her eyes at.” 

Kay looked offended, but, humoring him, Cassian followed after his friend while they looked for the bookshop. 

_______ 

Cassian had found a small section near the back that had some of the books he lost in the bombing, and debated on how many he could shove into his bag without it weighing a hundred pounds. He ended up with an armful, then went off to find his friend. 

Kay was browsing lightly through aisle after aisle, eyes scanning the titles but not really stopping to look at them, while he waited for Cassian to finish looking. He happened to be browsing through the bargain bin when the other man found him, and Kay chuckled. “You know,” he started, reaching in and picking a book at random, “this book is severely underrated. I think it’s one of the greatest love stories of the new generation.”

Cassian glanced down at the book in Kay’s hand, and gave him a look. He recognized the hands holding the apple on the cover anywhere. “ _ Twilight  _ is  _ not  _ one of the greatest love stories of any generation.” 

“How do you know? Have you ever  _ read  _ the book?” 

“No, but my sister did.” 

“But how do you  _ know,  _ it isn’t good?” 

Cassian sighed. “Because that’s not real love. It’s a story written for money, and preys on the minds of young kids. Real love is completely different.” 

“Then please, pray tell, what  _ is  _ real love?” Kay challenged. 

“It’s finding someone that challenges you, who infuriates you in the best ways. Who you want to sit down with and find out what’s in their head, even if it takes a hundred years, because it would all be time well spent. It’s not wanting to wake them when they fall asleep beside you, because they’re so untroubled, so peaceful, it would be a sin to disturb that. It’s holding onto their letters, because it gives you a reason to fight to get home, it’s that little piece of them that you can keep with you when it gets hard to deal with. It’s airport kisses, and early morning discussions. It’s--” 

“It’s Jyn.” Kay finished, giving Cassian a knowing look. “You’re in love with her.” 

Cassian stalled for a moment, not denying anything Kay said, and turned to his books. “You just asked what real love was, is all.” He muttered, his cheeks flushed with color. 

“You. Love. Her.” Kay smirked, putting the book back on its shelf. “I mean, we all knew, but we never thought you’d actually say it. Good on you, mate.” He clapped his friend on the shoulder, following after him as Cassian retreated from the aisle. “Tell me, should I start helping you plan the wedding now, or hold off.” 

“Now wait a minute!” Cassian rounded on Kay, embarrassment clear on his face, and glared up at him. “Just because  _ I  _ feel a certain way  _ doesn’t  _ mean she does, too. For all we know, she could--” 

“Stop. Before you say anymore bullshit, just stop.” Kay held up his hand, stalling anything else from leaving Cassian’s mouth, and herded his friend off to a quieter part of the store. “Cassian, do you honestly think, if she didn’t care about you too, that she would have kept writing you for so long? Do you think she would have reacted the way she did when she saw you at the airport - both times? Are you  _ honestly  _ that thick in the head?” 

“Kay, listen--” 

“No, for once, you shut up and listen to  _ me.  _ Jyn Erso is an insufferable woman. She’s stubborn, she’s crass, she’s  _ mouthy  _ as all hell, and she’s stronger than anybody else I’ve ever met in my life. But you know what else? She spent more time with you than anybody in that damned camp. Far beyond what any professional reporter would. She  _ liked  _ you. She still does. And you’re a  _ damn fool  _ if you let her be the one who gets away.” Cassian opened his mouth again, but Kay silenced him with a look. “Not done, lover boy. Cassian, I have known you for  _ years.  _ I have watched you play sets in dive bars and do the thing you love most. I went to war with you, and watched you fall apart with fear. Not only for yourself, but for the men under your command and if they would live to see tomorrow. And I watched you with Jyn. And nothing,  _ nothing,  _ I’ve witnessed has ever come  _ close  _ to the way you look when you’re with her. It’s the only time that I’ve ever seen a genuine smile on your face, when you’re with her, or reading her letters, or even just  _ talking  _ about the woman. And after everything you’ve been through, I didn’t think that would ever happen. She makes you  _ happy.  _ Genuinely  _ happy.  _ And that is, without a doubt, the only thing I could ever ask for. For you to get your happy ending with someone. Because if anybody fucking deserves it, you do.” 

Cassian said nothing in reply to that, just stood there blinking at his friend and trying to make sense of what he was saying. Of course he knew Kay was right in some sense; he  _ had  _ truly been happy when he was with Jyn, which was something he didn’t feel all too often. His whole life had been a solid stream of heartbreaks and worry, so why would he get a break with her? 

Jyn was too good for him. He knew that, and he figured she did, too. She was a civilian, an innocent in all of this. He’d hurt people, he’d done horrible things that haunted him at night. He was damaged, broken, and not worth her time. She was the sun, warming and giving life to everything she touched. He couldn’t be the reason her light went out. He had nothing to offer her except heartache and trouble that wasn’t worth her time. Once she realized that, she would abandon him, and he would be left with nothing but her memory. 

How could he explain that to Kay? If he opened his mouth, he suspected he’d get another verbal lashing from his friend, and that wasn’t the point. He didn’t want to be told he was wrong, he didn’t want Kay to try boosting his confidence. He just wanted someone to understand why he had to let Jyn go before they got in too deep. “If anybody deserves to be happy here, Kay, it’s her. And… that’s not something I can promise to give her.” 

“And that, Cassian Andor, is why you’re alone. You won’t get out of your own way long enough to see the good that’s right in front of you. Because you’re too afraid of getting burned to give the fire a chance to breathe.” 

“This isn’t a romance novel, Kay. This isn’t something that gets wrapped up in a neat little bow at the end. This is real life, and in real life, there’s pain, there’s heartbreak, and the beast doesn’t always get his beauty.” 

“But--” 

“I’ve been to war. I’ve seen hell, I’ve lived _ through  _ hell, but the idea of her having to live with  _ me  _ after all of it _?  _ I can’t do that to her. I can’t put her through this. I  _ won’t  _ put her through it. End of discussion.” Cassian turned around and walked to the front of the store, his books gripped tightly in his hands and his heart feeling heavier than he could ever remember it in his life, while Kay stood back, watching and wondering when Cassian had turned into such an idiot. 

******* 

Cassian had been different since his day out with Kay, Jyn noted. When they got together that night, he was quiet. Only really speaking when he was directly addressed, and then, only offering one or two words to the conversation before sitting back and ignoring the world around him. Kay seemed a bit off, too. Not nearly as sarcastic as he’d been before, and a lot colder to his friend than she thought possible. 

It wasn’t right, and after two full days of it, she’d had enough. 

She finally decided to get answers one night after Kay had fallen asleep. Cassian was sitting on the floor on the opposite end of the couch, just out of reach of her foot, and she sat up, clearing her throat and pulling her legs up close. “Cassian,” she started, waiting until he looked up at her before continuing. “Is something wrong?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Did I do something to piss you off?” 

“No?” 

“Then why aren’t you talking to me? Are you that bored of being here already?” 

“We’re talking right now.” 

“Cassian.” She said, pained and annoyed by how he was avoiding this. 

“Jyn.” 

She rolled her eyes, getting to her feet and knowing she wasn’t getting anywhere with him. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.” 

She heard rustling behind her as she left, followed by quick footsteps. “Forget it?” 

“You heard me. Obviously something happened with you and Kay the other day, and I’m guessing it was to do with me. If you won’t talk to me about it so we can move on, then forget I said anything.” She turned to leave, but he gently grabbed her wrist to keep her from going anywhere. 

“You didn’t do anything.” He finally said. “At least… nothing  _ wrong. _ ”

“Then  _ what?  _ What did I  _ do? _ ” 

He swallowed, hesitating, not wanting to get into this with her right now - or ever - but knowing he needed to say  _ something.  _ “You ruined me.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“What it means, Jyn,” came Kay’s voice from the living room, sounding very tired, and very annoyed, “is that you wormed your way into his stone cold heart and started a fire to keep yourself warm. Now the ice has melted, and he has no idea how to deal with it. Because, like a reptile, he’s cold blooded and the sun feels bloody weird. That’s what he means.” 

“Kay!” Cassian growled, turning from Jyn to face his friend, his cheeks and neck bright red. “For once, would you let me handle things without piping up?” 

“I will when you actually handle them and not do whatever it is you’re doing now.” 

“I’m trying.” 

“Do or do not. There is no try.” 

“Will both of you shut up and tell me what’s going on?!” Jyn yelled, the focus going back to her. “Nobody is going to sleep until you spill it. I don’t care which one of you does it, but I am  _ sick  _ of feeling like I can’t talk to either of you because I fucked this up.” 

Things fell silent for a few moments, Kay and Cassian trying to figure out what to say, and Jyn standing there, fuming, and waiting for some kind of an answer. 

“Kay accused  _ Twilight  _ of being a good love story. That’s what happened.” 

Jyn scrubbed her hands across her face, irate with the pair of them, shook her head. “Explain.” 

The boys looked between each other, trying to decide who was going to admit what Cassian had said to Kay, and while they both knew it  _ should  _ be Cassian, they both knew he wouldn’t be able to get everything out that he needed to. 

“Cassian, tell her.” Kay still said, getting to his feet and heading away. “If you’ll excuse me, I saw a decent looking pub a few blocks away that has been calling to me for the last few days. If anything should happen, please don’t tell me. I would rather like to enjoy a break from you two without being dragged into your spats.” 

After he was out the door, the two were left with a silent standoff, waiting for the other to speak first. 

“Jyn, before I say anything, I just want you to know, it’s not your fault. Nothing is your fault.” He gestured for her to follow him back to the couch, and the two of them sat across from each other, at complete opposite ends, in silence. Cassian was trying to figure out how to word this without making her feel terrible. “The only thing I’ve ever really known is that people leave. Everyone I’ve ever known has walked out of my life at some point, and left behind nothing but scorched ground in their wake. It’s what I’ve always done. It’s how I’ve survived as long as I have. You don’t get attached. It hurts less that way. And then I met Kay. And he’s stuck around longer than anybody else has, ever. He’s the only friend I have in this world who I feel I can fully trust. And he knows it. When we went to war, you didn’t get attached to your men, because chances are, they wouldn’t make it. It hurts less when it finally happens.” 

“Cassian--” 

“Then I met you. And, like Kay, you stuck around. You wore me down, you got to know me, and I got to know you a little. And you  _ stayed.  _ After everything, you were still there, and didn’t show any signs of running away. It’s the happiest I can ever remember being, knowing you. Meeting you was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, and it’s something I’ll always be grateful for. But,” His eyes were fixed on his hands as he spoke, unable to look at Jyn in fear of losing his nerve, and he paused for a moment, thinking of what to say next. “I’m a soldier, Jyn. I’ve done things I’m not proud of to keep myself alive. I’ve followed orders that have made me do bad things that I can’t take back. I see faces of innocents when I close my eyes, people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hear the screaming, I can smell decay, and blood, and everything revists me when I close my eyes. But so do you. The first day I met you, the time we spent together, your smile… I can manage the horror better when you’re there. But nobody deserves to deal with this much baggage. I can’t put you through this. I’m not good enough for you, and I never will be.” 

Jyn swallowed the lump in her throat, and reached out to him, gently placing her hand in his. “I watched my mother die, right in front of me. I saw my father be taken away by strangers, and I’ve never seen him since then. From the time I was eight, I was trained to be a soldier by a man I had no choice but to trust. And I was good at it. Too good. I was a high ranking officer in Saw’s army because of my detachment to others. You aren’t the only one who’s done things they aren’t proud of, Cassian.” He glanced up at her, a knowing look on his face, and closed his fingers over hers. “I was abandoned at sixteen in New York City without so much as a goodbye. I’d lost my mother, two fathers, and everything I’d ever known. I was completely alone in a strange country, with nothing but the clothes on my back and my guilt to eat me alive. But I survived it.” 

She paused for a second, clearing her throat, and took a deep breath. “I know how it feels to think you’re not good enough for someone. For  _ yourself. _ All of it still haunts me. Everything I did, everything I’ve seen, it is on my mind  _ constantly.  _ I’m Jyn Erso, the forgotten child. The soldier, the mercenary, the orphan. But when I’m with you, I can forget that for a little while. I’m just… Jyn. The twenty-three year old girl, who isn’t afraid to smile, who isn’t afraid to  _ trust  _ someone. Just a girl... standing in front of a boy that she loves.” 

She stopped, then, scooting a little closer to Cassian, and took his other hand in hers. He met her eyes, and she gave him a small, nervous smile, unsure if she should have added that last part. They were still for a beat, then Cassian leaned in, cupping Jyn’s face in his hands, and kissed her. 

Her arms wrapped around his neck, fingers tangling in her hair, and returned the gesture, hoping she conveyed what she was feeling through it. Cassian had made her feel safe in ways that she hadn’t since her mother died. He made her feel welcome. He made her feel like she was  _ home.  _ How he could think himself not good enough for her was enough to break her heart. 

Once they broke apart, she leaned her forehead against his, eyes shut and hands squeezing his. “You’re good enough, Captain Andor. For me, for Kay, and for  _ yourself.  _ We’ve all done things we’re ashamed of. But the guilt reminds us that we’re human. It means we  _ care  _ about our actions, and the impact we have on others. That makes all the difference.” 

He pulled away just a little, and pressed another kiss to her forehead. “I…think I love you, Jyn Erso.” 

 

A smile tugged at her lips, and she pulled him close again, her chin on his shoulder, and her eyes shut. Cassian leaned back against the arm of the couch, Jyn in his arms, and the two fell asleep shortly afterwards.

  
It would be a long road for both of them, but they had each other to lean on when things got hard. They had found a home with each other, a new beginning, someone that loved them despite all of their hardships. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would be worth it. It would always, always, be worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has provided so much wonderful feedback, and shown love for this story! I hope you enjoyed this, and I appreciate all of the support given to me by my friends (Thank you so much, Ashlee, McKell, Katie, and Mikayla for all of your help!!) and the RebelCaptain fans who have stopped by to read the first part, and dropped a kudos and a comment! You've all been so accepting, and sweet, and I am SO PROUD to be part of not only the Rogue One/RebelCaptain fandom, but the SW fandom in general. You're all great people, and I cannot WAIT to share more of these guys' adventures with the world!!


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